I was on the phone yesterday with a friend from college. She always calls me up when she needs relationship advice, but trust me, I love dishing it out! Anyways, she was sitting in her car listening to an old CD, when all of a sudden John Mayer’s “Burning Room” came on, and next thing you know she’s reminising… and here she is thinking about “Eric, Todd, Alex…” She continues to tell me how happy and in love she is in her current relationship, but she still feels like she is getting rid of everyone from her past. She made sure to clarify it 10 times that she didn’t want her exes, but she was just sad. So… of course, when you get advice from me, I always relate it to something super random.
So here it goes… Here is my advice on giving up the past and moving forward.
Exes are like all your old dresses. Some are too short, too old, too ugly, too strange, have a hole, raggedy, high.. ya know, the list goes on (Reference below). But, for some reason girls never want to give up their dresses! Seriously, how many dresses are in your closet right now that you NEVER wear? (This does not go out to the clutter crazies, because we know your closet is clean) Anyways, I have SO MANY DRESSES that I despise, but I won’t donate them. I’ll say to myself, “what if they come back in style?..or “what if I need it one day?”… or even the super crazy excuse like “maybe I’ll wear it for Halloween next year.” So, this is the problem with exes… We think, hey I’ll keep them on the back burner incase something changes… maybe they’ll get nicer, get better, look better, grow a few feet, etc. But, it’s absolutely not the truth! For my friend you see, she was having trouble cleaning out the closet.. she had too many good memories, and she wasn’t ready to trash them. Honestly, I don’t blame her… It’s super hard! But, when you get married or find someone you truly love, you gotta throw them out… not push them to the back of your mind (or the back of your closet).
Exes and Dresses Metaphor Explained:
- Too Short: The relationship seemed great, but then it just ended abruptly. I compare this to the dress you buy, you wash it, and it shrinks. Honestly, such a wasted purchase/waste of time! —- Or literally, he’s just too short.
- Too Old: You’ve been in this relationship for a long time, but you keep looking at everything else on the market. I compare this to the dress that you’ve had forever, and you want to find a better version of it. Come on, the Forever 21 dress will never compare to that amazing name brand one that you really want.
- Too Ugly: You didn’t have much to choose from, ya got bored, so ya took a chance. I compare this to the dress you bought from the sale rack. You know, the dress that is just too cheap to turn down? So, you buy it and never wear it? Why do we do that to ourselves?!?
- Too Strange: He seemed like a pretty good catch. He was unique and smart… You thought, well, he’s a bit strange, but he’s educated and well off… Maybe I can give it a chance and end up being a wealthy housewife with an amazing kitchen. Yeah, no. This is like the dress that’s too gaudy. It has awful sequins and a terrible cut, and you bought it thinking you’d wear it and be unique and different. Okay, I’m sorry, but you’ll never wake up wanting to wear that dress. You’ll bring it home and never wear it! (Unless it’s Halloween.)
- Raggedy: He was cute at first, but that didn’t last long. That’s like the grunge style, um, yeah.. it goes out of style just as fast as it comes in.
- Too High: This is the guy that’s cute, right?… perfect.. amazing… and then he goes off and gets high.. (stoned, wasted, etc.) Now he’s terrible, unfortunate, and a loser. This is like the dress you buy that looks perfect on, but then you lift your arms and it rides way too high, and now it’s just embarrassing. Ugh, toss it.
- The Hole: The guy that is perfect, but something is missing or he did something terrible to you. I compare this to the dress you love, but it gets damaged. So, it’s time to toss it.
When I was dating my husband I sometimes thought about the guys I was ditching… but, in the end, I realized my husband is the perfect fit, and all those other men will never complete me the same way. So, I tossed the past! He is my perfect dress.
Anyways, lesson learned guys! Clean out your closet, your past, and your exes!