Ever since I’ve caught the “I want to get married & have babies” bug, I’ve spent countless days and nights thinking about the perfect “dream man” whom I aspire to marry.
In my dreams, my husband is 6’2, with slightly curly brown hair, green eyes, and an athletic build. He has a stable well-paying career and drives a truck. When he wears a suit he puts on a bowtie, and when he’s going out for a casual night he wears jeans. He’s family oriented and wants to have lots of children. Most importantly, my dream man treats me like a princess. He never raises his voice or uses foul language towards me. He’s kind, patient, and gentle. He’s always chivalrous. He’s the definition of an absolute gentleman.
Although I’ve set my standards high, I’ve realized I will never find this man. The man of my dreams is just a figment of my imagination, and I know, I will never meet this same exact man and fall in love.
I’ve given up. I’ve given up on searching for this man.
Well, as much I’d love to walk down the aisle to this dream man, I’ve come to realize he isn’t the one for me. I can play “house” as much as I want in my head, but this man will never compare to the one God has hand-picked for me. Only God knows and understands what I truly need. And in His time, we will be brought together. Ephesians 3:20 says, “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us.”
In the past I’ve had this crazy mindset that if a guy had a good job, decent morals, and was over 6 feet…I could mold him into my “dream” man. I thought despite his terrible taste in music maybe I could drag him to concerts and introduce him to real music… or I could just ignore the fact that he voted for “he who must not be named” and I could convert him into a Conservative over time… or maybe I could bring him to church and he could magically become the spiritual leader I want and need…
Seriously, Ruby? That’s not how life works. I know people say you’re supposed to “love all the imperfections.” but, seriously, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore for my wrong taste in men. Those guys I dated in the past, I tried to love those imperfections, but all they did was drive me insane — because they just weren’t the right men for me.
I’ve wasted every second of my dating years trying to change men into who I thought they should be. After all this time, what have I’ve learned? Most imperfections get worse with time. For instance, the guy who goes to church with you in the beginning, but not at all a few months in. Or how about the guy that acted like he did more than play video games, and after a few months of dating, I couldn’t part him from his controller. The fact is, molding only works if the guy has a heart for change, and I’ve come to realize, that’s not my responsibility.
Now I must say, in the past, I’ve definitely helped “mold” a few guys into better men. Typically, it happens after a break-up and they try proving how “great” they are now, and somehow along the way, some have truly become better men. So, maybe call me a dating missionary?
But seriously, I’m sick of trying to make men “better.” I’m sick of thinking that I can make the perfect man, when the fact is, only God and time can make the husband I haven’t met yet perfect for me. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can’t fix or force love to go your way. Luckily, God has that all figured out. From now on, I’m going to strive to make myself “better,” instead of trying to renovate these fixer-upper men. I’m going to stop chasing this dream man in my head. In due time, I have faith God will bless me with the right man to pursue my heart. As the wise Amy Carmichael once said, “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates.” Ladies, it’s important to remember that your high standards for men are not there by accident, but placed in your heart by our Creator.
How amazing is it that our God loves us that much?
So, husband, wherever you are right now, I’m praying for you. I’m praying that God is working on your heart and building you to be the perfect man for me. I also pray that you have the strength and endurance to wait on God, instead of forcing unnecessary relationships. I know for a fact though, our future will be better than my dreams.
In the meantime, I’ll just listen to this precious song:
6’2 by Marie Miller
P.S. I can’t wait to meet you.