Why you should break up with the verbally or emotionally abusive man, you’ve been with for years:
2 years. I’ve always said that’s the breaking point in a relationship. After 2 years our mind starts to clear out the clutter, and we start to see the relationship for what it really is. We aren’t blinded by our dreams, desires, or that smile, what we finally see are all the quirks and flaws, all of them, every single one.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the most handsome man in the world, once you know the inside, and it’s ugly– there’s no fixing that.
If a guy is emotionally or verbally abusive in a relationship, fact is: he wants you to feel small. He thinks the smaller you feel, the less likely you’ll leave. I know this sounds pretty backwards, but it’s true. Guys like this exist– they bring this mentality into relationships, the work place, and every other aspect of their life.
Example: the boss who makes their employees feel small, never compliments, and waits for errors to pounce on. Their goal: Make you feel incompetent and incapable of ever finding a new job or replacing them.
Why do I give this example? I believe when you’re in a relationship, you have blinders on– but this is the same type of person. Except what’s sad ladies, you’d be more likely to leave a toxic job than leave a toxic relationship.
Ladies, you’re so strong in every aspect of your life, but why do you cower in your own relationships? It’s not worth it, he’s not worth it, and you’re STRONGER than you think.
You don’t need him, and he doesn’t need you. “AHHHH BUT HE NEEDS ME!!!” No, he doesn’t. He’ll live. I don’t care what he’s going through, you are not his punching bag.
If you’re afraid of hurting him, remember how much he’s hurt you. He’s made you feel like you can’t even leave because of the years he’s spent making you feel small. FACT: You aren’t selfish for wanting to leave. You are protecting yourself, and there’s nothing selfish about that.
And more importantly, every day you waste with him is one more day you’re wasting walking down a path that’s going NOWHERE.
If you’re going through this right now, take the following steps:
1. Call a friend or your mom and get a pep talk.
2. BREAK UP WITH THAT GUY!
3. Find an accountability parter. (Your mom, friend, or counselor)
Here’s why: There’s a big chance you’re going to want to go back to him. He’s spent years lowering your confidence and making you feel as though you can’t do life without him. That voice in your head will take months and months to go away. Be patient and stay strong.
In the words of Beyonce, “boy bye.”
This blog is based off this submitted question:
“I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I think you just give the best advice! So I have a question for you. I’m in a heartbreaking dilemma. I’ve been dating a guy for 2 years and we are sophomores in college in a long distance relationship. it has not been a great relationship. Only recently did I realize he was emotionally and verbally abusing me. I’ve tried to break if off but he always begs for me back and promises he will change and I give him another chance, and then he disappoints me again….This cycle goes on and on and on. Now, things are complicated because he just found out his dad has cancer and it’s pretty bad. He is going through an extremely tough time and I’m there for him but it’s obviously a very complicated situation. I feel so selfish for making this about me but I know I need to break up with him but how could I possibly do that to him when he’s going through this? I can’t find it in me to hurt him that bad. I just need some advice. It is a toxic relationship and he emotionally and verbally abuses me but I can’t seem to end things when he is going through this painful experience with his Dad. Do I stick it out and support him and put my feelings aside? Or should I be selfish and end things? I am very confused and things are complicated so a little advice would be very helpful. Xoxo”
(Quick note: If a guy doesn’t treat you correctly in a long distance relationship, expect it to be even worse if you lived in the same city. You always see someone on their best behavior when it’s long distance– so if his best behavior is bad behavior– run. – Diamond)