Blog Contributor: Hope
Hello love seekers, I have a story to tell you.
A year and a half ago, I started dating a boy who I thought was way out of my league. As far as I was concerned, he hung the moon and stars. He was amazing. Charming, good looking, fantastic wit and sense of humor, as far as I knew, he loved The Lord. We were so compatible. We hardly ever had fights, and when we did, it was nothing a hug and a kiss couldn’t repair. This seemingly perfect relationship lasted a few months, and then I started to encounter what I can now identify as problems. If only I had seen them as problems back then.
Being from a small southern town, our favorite date night activity was to after dinner drive out to the country, park off on a dirt road, and stargaze. It was so romantic. The first few times were so great. Just me and him, laying in the bed of his truck, watching the stars and talking about life without a care in the world. After a while, he began to ask me for sex. I had explained to him that as a Christian I wanted to honor God’s word by keeping my purity for whoever it is I would marry. He didn’t respect that, and would often argue that it was not a necessary thing to do. For a while I urged him that it was, but after some time, I began to believe him, and I gave in. He had me so convinced that we were going to get married, have a sweet little family, and live the American dream, that I threw every ounce of common sense I had by the wayside and let my guard down.
I’m not blaming him for this decision, I every bit had a choice. I knew it was wrong, but I chose to succumb regardless. This went on for over a year, and I am proud to say that I have finally listened to God and have come out of the most unhealthy relationship I have ever been in. It has been difficult no doubt, and it would be a lie to tell you I don’t still struggle sometimes. Even with all that being said, I think the worst part about it was that I knew all along that what I was doing was not pleasing to The Lord and I chose to do it anyway. My selfish, self centeredness caused me to distance myself from everyone I was close to. My family, my friends, my church, and worst of all God. I became so wrapped up in this relationship that he literally took God’s place in my life. I practically worshipped him. He became my number one.
My decision to give myself to this man sexually is one I regret bitterly, but through it, I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned. It taught me the difference between love and lust. When you are in the middle of young relationships, the two can be very easy to confuse. Lust is selfish. Love is selfless. So often you hear encouraging stories of girls sharing the fulfillment they found in saving themselves for their husbands. That is so wonderful and I am so incredibly proud of each and every one of those women. On another hand though, rarely do you hear stories of girls who have given into sexual temptation and find their way out.
For those of you whom this applies to, I want you to know that you are not a lost cause. Just because you have given in does not mean that this is your “standard”. You are not dirty. You are loved, and you are worth love. You are worth everything in the world, and Jesus Christ gave everything just to know you. He calls you by name, and you are His. You are beautiful, you are priceless, you are a treasure. Any voice that would dare to tell you differently is a lie from the enemy and you do not have to listen to that anymore. Know your worth child of God, and walk in it.
I write this not only to tell you my story, but to share with you my mistakes. My heartbreak, my sorrow, the true, gut wrenching sadness that comes when you know you’ve disappointed your creator. Deep down, I know we’re all the same. We share the same strong desire to love, to feel loved and to truly be loved. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, we are women. It’s part of who God made us to feel that way. But ladies, I want to encourage you to wait. Wait for the man God has for you, who is qualified to be the spiritual leader of your household, will cover you in prayer without you having to ask for it, and won’t ridicule your desire to follow how Jesus says to live. Who while enamored by your beauty, but puts God FIRST and you second. Don’t settle for someone second tier. God has him for you. Trust Him to give him to you when the time is right. He loved you first, and He loves you best. You can trust Him, there’s no doubt about it.