Last week I was stumbling through my twitter news feed when I noticed a whole slew of girls praising a blog posted on TSM by the twitter handle @HotPiece_TSM. It was a rebuttal to a blog posted on TFM titled “A Letter To The Girl You’re Hooking Up With But Will Never Marry.” While reading both blogs, I became overwhelmed with frustration. I understood each argument, but was angered and sad to see the direction our society is headed in. Most men have zero respect for a woman’s body, and many women have lowered their expectations and do not demand respect.
Here is my reply:
Typically, most guys in college are NOT the marrying kind. Down the road they may be, but trust me, the chances of marrying one out of college are slim. Since, by the time most mature, they will be off marrying a girl 5-10 years younger than you. Call it cruel, but it’s the truth. If you want to marry a boy fresh out of college, stick to the Christian fraternities, Science halls, and the boys studying for their masters.
If you’re going after frat boys in college, be weary of many… Most of these guys are taught from day one to drink their beers down and “score” as many girls as possible within a 4 year period of time. Ladies, if you’re attracted to this type of man, well you’re setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. Those boys are an embarrassment to their mothers and have no right to be disrespecting God’s daughters like that. You deserve so much more.
In the rebuttal letter, “A Letter To The Guy You’re Hooking Up With, From The Girl He’ll Never Marry, A Rebuttal,” the sorority girl says she wants to just sleep with this womanizing frat guy, not marry him…. Yeah right. Excuse me, you call yourself “America’s Big”, but you’re a terrible example to your sisters and a terrible influence. All I have to say to you is you’re: A) a man writing a letter pretending to be a girl or B) deeply insecure and hiding your true emotions or C) have daddy issues. Now, that that’s out of the way, I’ll tell you the truth:
By the time most girls enter college they’ve already learned that “men are only looking for one thing.” It’s what our parents have been telling us our entire life. But it’s not until we enter college that we understand that statement fully. At first, girls listen to mommy and daddy, and don’t fall prey to the college man’s game. But these college boys will start to wear down on you if you’re not careful, especially after you’ve been drinking.
Girls who remain strong against the womanizing type may run into some problems along the way, like becoming impatient with single-hood Some start to think good guys don’t exist, and realize how boring the single life is. So, what to they do? They go out. Going out with the girls, never ends up just being a “girl’s night.” The truth is, when girls go out, typically their ultimate goal will be to catch the eye of a handsome man and score some free drinks. Women are complicated creatures. So, what happens when the handsome frat guy tries to seduce you in the bar? Well, many will fall prey to it because they want to feel pretty and wanted.
If you put yourself in this situation, you can promise yourself you’ll have boundaries, but most frat boys have learned all their pickup lines from frat boys before them, and they know how to seduce you. They’ll give you drinks, compliment you, and get you alone to “talk.” Then, next thing you know, you’re waking up in his bedroom, with a bad hangover, realizing you’ve made terrible decisions.
Now, I absolutely do not think most girls come into it “wanting to get some,” like the sorority girl’s rebuttal stated. If so, she only said that to hide her own insecurities of not feeling wanted, and thinking that sex is the only way to receive affection or attention. Nothing hurts my heart more than this. Ladies deserve so much more, and culture has tricked them into thinking that they don’t.
The majority of all men in college are immature, and will grow up strongly regretting some of the decisions they made as young men. Especially when they have a daughter of their own, and she’s planning on rushing a sorority. But, for now, many boys, not all, are in the pursuit of a woman. Not a woman to take home to mommy, but a woman to take back to their bedroom. Nothing saddens me more than to see women fall into this lifestyle. They start to crave the attention, and keep coming back, even if it involves crushing their self-worth and self-image.
In the TFM blog, he states how he knew from the beginning that the girl he was hooking up with wasn’t marriage material, based on how quickly their dysfunctional semi-relationship started. I mean can you blame him? Men pretend that all they want is to get into a girl’s pants, but deep down, most want more. They want to find the woman who is confident enough to stand her ground and say “no.” They want the girl who draws boundaries and doesn’t fall prey to their tricks, because she is self-assured. Girls sometimes so easily cave the first time a man tries to seduce them, when they should absolutely deny the guy.
Ladies, if you don’t deny this guy the first time he tries to make a move on you, this boy will forever NOT respect you. Why you say? …because if it was that easy for him, he is going to think you’ve been with everyone… and that wouldn’t make you very special to him.
In the blog, the “frat guy” ended the realtionship, because she wasn’t marriage material…. He stopped texting her, and gave her the excuse “I’m not ready for a relationship”, and now … she’s probably spending the night in her own bed. THANK GOD, that’s a blessing in disguise!
Relationships that start quickly on a drunken night and a sleepover, isn’t a family friendly way to start a relationship, and nothing to write home about. I mean think about it, you’d be embarrassed to tell your Daddy that you went home with some random guy after knowing him for a couple hours. And if this guy ends the “relationship” with you before it was ever really official, he was probably only in it for sex, and when it started to get too serious, he backed off. This type of guy is not a gentleman, and in my opinion, he’s a pathetic excuse for a man.
The fact of the matter is, if this type of guy was to actually meet his dream woman, his ideal “perfect wife material,” and he was behaving like a womanizer, she would not even blink in his direction. And, she’d probably laugh in his face, and ignore all of his best pick up lines.
Ladies, if you constantly find yourselves in the trap of becoming this “hookup buddy,” you need to realize you need to change now, not later, because if you were to meet your dream man today, he would probably want absolutely nothing to do with you, because you’re not acting like his dream lady. I might be coming off too harsh, but it’s just tough love. You & I are both sisters with Christ, and I just know you are worth so much more than the man who only uses you, you deserve a fairy-tale.
There is a sermon series out there by Andy Stanley called “Love, Sex & Dating.” I encourage every one of you to watch it. It’s a 4 part series, each sermon about 45 min long… but it is so incredibly worth it. I’ve had countless friends of mine change their lifestyle just because they watched these sermons. It’s amazing how the Lord works sometimes. Here’s the link below:
The main message of this sermon series is “become the person you’re looking for is looking for.” In other words become the type of person you want to marry. I know deep down you’re not actually looking for meaningless sex, you want to love and be loved in return. I’ve learned that the more a lady turns a man down, the more attracted men will be toward her. That’s a real challenge to them, snagging a date with the sweet & genuine girl who hasn’t hooked up with everyone. Sure there is a horrible standard there, men want you to be wild and classy all at the same time. But you can be the happy medium.
You can be the “exception.” You can be the girl he could take home to mom. You can be the girl who restores a man’s faith in women. You are marriage material. Nowadays, women expect a gentleman, but they don’t even know what it’s like to be a lady. Having countless hookups is not okay, and I hate how our society accepts it as the norm. I don’t know how else to say it, but for the love of God, cross your legs and keep it classy. You are worth so much more than you think! It’s never too late to change your ways, crawl out of societies trap and be the woman your future husband is looking for.
I’m not mad, I’m just sad. Love y’all.
+ Ruby she helped, too!
This is wonderfully said! A great book for girls (any age) to read is Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge! It’s a phenomonal book about letting God captivate your soul and discovering your true beauty in him and not in boys.
Nailed it This is how you catch your dream guy, by setting yourself apart from the secular and living what we read in the word! I adore Andy Stanley’s sermons and am so pleased that you mentioned them- I blogged about a few of his topics-he has a very personable, easy listening way of preaching. Great post
I really, really love this! I was one of “those girls”who was hooking up and thought I didn’t care. I mean, I was having fun! Until I realized that my husband, who was out there somewhere, wasn’t going to find me if I kept acting like that. So I prayed, and I stopped. And I waited. And sure enough… 2 months later, I found him
This is such a great message, I think any female would benefit from reading it.
This is such an inspirational blog. In my bible study group recently we have talked about “be the woman you want your husband to be looking for”. It’s so incredible how God knew that I needed to hear it again and show me my self worth. Thank you so much!!
I saw one of your posts shared on facebook and started looking around your blog and loved this piece. I just spent the last three years teaching at a major university and was shocked to see how the “price” of sex had dropped since my college days (1982-86). I was also shocked by the lack of respect that today’s young women hold for themselves. It’s as if they are using feminism to excuse their bad behavior and poor judgment; i.e. if a man does it why can’t I? My experience was that getting into a woman’s pants took a lot of work and often a ring. I met my wife in college and we dated for three years. She was two years ahead of me and as a Christian woman she insisted that sex meant marriage. As one of those guys “in the science halls” I turned out to be a safe bet; we just celebrated our 27th Anniversary. I was madly in love with her, respected her beliefs, and I knew that she was worth waiting for. I wished more young men and women respected themselves. Both deserve better. But especially young women. They are no longer a “check” on men behaving badly. It’s distressing to see what’s going on with them on campus today and the regrets many come to have. Most have abandoned the notion that men should respect them.
Diamond – I hope you’re holding out a sliver of hope for the man who is the exception to everything you said. They are not all womanizing frat boys looking for one thing. There are even guys who are saving sex until marriage. Real men. Think about what they endure in this world today. What they are saying about women. So keep your standards high. And keep enough optimism with you to attract a real man. They are looking for something different too.
Very nice post!! Hard to speak the truth but important to do so.
Let me remind you though. . . The girls caught up in the hooking up lifestyle are more than likely NOT your sisters in Christ. They have no relationship with Christ and are therefore living their lives in that manner.
SAD. But we can pray that somehow they will find and trust God and change their lives soon. Promiscuity may not hurt right now but it will eventually.
Thank you so much for this. THIS is something I needed to hear. I’ve come to the painful realization that I have been a hook up girl for a guy who’s feelings I really care for. But you’re right, he isn’t a gentleman, and I have been less than a lady. And I want so much, deserve so much more, and want to be viewed as a woman who is in control of herself and holds to her standards. The more I think about this, the less I am attracted to the kind of person he is. Thank you again for opening my eyes.
Thank you so much for this piece. I loved reading this.. because it holds so much truth! I have been that girl who hookups a few times in my life and im ready to say.. no more! Ever again! I hate how often I feel pressured by the guy, feeling like I cant say no, then hating myself because I didn’t say it. Its not worth it and I feel much more lonely after. I cant tell you the bad cycle I’ve started, and it just got worse last semester. Definitely none of the guys I hooked up with were gentleman, they were total sleaze balls. I wish I could have taken back all that I’ve done in the past, but I can’t. I can just now pray, regain my contol, self worth and not do it again. Thank you for such a thoughtful piece. I know so many other young girls in college are going through the same thing who should read this and it will make them rethink about their actions. I do deserve more.
Sooooo in other words, its okay for men to fuck everything that moves but girls can’t be sexual at all, I say no thank you to men with the madonna whore complex