I’ll admit it, I was a bit of a heart-breaker. As I have mentioned previously, I wasn’t always an excellent girlfriend. Mainly because I hadn’t met my husband yet, which means something was missing in every relationship…. So throughout 99% of my relationships, I was on a mission to find that missing “it” factor, which caused me to constantly replace my boyfriend at the time with a new one… and so on…. and so on… and so on… and after 10 or so heart wrenching breakup letters and ignoring tons of phone calls, texts, letters, and emails… I met my husband.
My mother always told me that I had a “graveyard of exes,” and every time I would contact one, she would tell me to “stop visiting the grave.” It’s sad, but true. Every time I was feeling down, I would “visit the grave.” I’d call one up, send a text, or maybe on a really bad day, I’d hang out with one. Cruel, but it was comforting. Plus, when you’ve had a really bad day or you’re feeling really single and lonely, there is no better place to go for a pep talk than to a guy who likes you… or especially an ex who still loves you. Why? Because this person doesn’t ignore you, they respect you, they admire you, they…. well… probably don’t know your true colors — because if they did, well, they’d hate you.
If those poor exes/guys from the past that I dated knew I was only there for a pep talk and that I had no intentions to ever reconnect/date them… they’d probably think I was the worst human being in the world – so, if you don’t mind, let’s keep this a secret. I know this all sounds pretty terrible, but in my defense, I was young and dumb… and now that I’m married, I’m allowed to look back on my past and reminisce about how… well, insanely cruel I was to these poor, poor, poor boys. I should have listened to my mother… and I should have stopped visiting the grave.
I will say, I regret breaking hearts… Some for more obvious reasons and others because, well, they still won’t stop HAUNTING ME. (Ex. My ex from Sophomore year of high school… It’s been 11 years, please get over yourself, your creepiness is getting a little out of control. The drunken emails and Facebook messages up until the night before I got married, was creepy and uncalled for.)
Besides the ones who deserved it… (ex. cheaters, crazies, and liars) Breaking hearts is nothing to be proud of… it’s horrible. There have been so many times that I’ve been pained by some of my past experiences and decisions…. The guys who were truly nice, loving, sweet… amazing… but, they weren’t my husband. Those guys, I feel bad for… They didn’t deserve for me to pull the rug out from under them so quickly… but it happened, for good reason. One day, when they meet their future wife, they’ll understand as well that it was for good reason.
Now to those who have had their hearts broken…. Realize this… whoever broke your heart, he isn’t your husband. God’s preparing you for that special guy – So, mend that heart and be thankful that someone else is out there that will love you unconditionally. BE patient. Forgive that heart-breaker, he’s off finding his wife.. or being a nasty scummy man with no morals. Either way, you’re lucky.
I really appreciate this blog. I was always on the other end…the one getting my heart broken. But your closing paragraph really encouraged me. Thank you!
I’m new here and I like what what I’ve seen. But I do have to respectfully disagree with this particular topic. My highschool sweetheart and I broke up junior year. We both said hurtful things, but the month before we graduated he apologized and said he hoped we could be friends. I thought yeah sure, that will never happen. But it did. Each of us went through several relationships and were there for each other for several years. We only talked occasionally but when we did we had 3 hour conversations. My current boyfriend (5 years) and my ex became best friends. And I became good friends with his wife. I couldn’t have been happier for him than when he married the true love of his life last December. We all hung out together when we could; I’m in school two hours from home & he worked one hour away. Last January a family member of my boyfriend received a bad medical diagnosis and my ex & his wife were there for me & bf. This was also a tough time for my relationship and I talked to both him & his wife throughout. Since my boyfriend wouldn’t talk to me about what he was dealing with with his family I begged him to talk to somebody. He talked to my ex. The very next morning bf called me and asked was I sitting down. I was like yeah I’m in my car, I just got to school. He said Caleb was in a wreck going to work this morning and he didn’t make it. My heart stopped. I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea how to get through that day or the 2 weeks I had left of school that semester. I knew I had to though, for him. That was always his first concern for me was that I do whatever I needed to get an education. There hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t missed him. He truly was the best friend I’ve ever had. I would never be able to forgive myself had I denied that friendship.
TL;DR: I was friends with my ex for years. Our significant others understood this and were friends as well. When he was killed in a car accident I lost my best friend. I could never forgive myself had I not been friends with him.
I’m not saying you should keep every ex on speed dial, but don’t throw away the possibility of a friendship just because you once had a relationship.
I have had some dooseys and let some damn good ones go.