Moving On

It’s impossible to just move on from somebody you love. Sure after time the pain goes away, but you’ll never fully forget about the hurt that person put you through.

The shortened version of my breakup: He moved away after college, met some cute smart blonde at work, who knew he was in a relationship — and bam, next thing you know she was expressing her feelings to him, and he was wrapped around her dirty little fingers.  Of course I didn’t find out about it in a clean way, I found out about it while he was visiting for my BIRTHDAY. Talk about a “it’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to” moment.

Anyways, apparently my ex was dumb.  Really dumb. He never had a passcode on his phone until this weekend of his visit. I was confused & curious as to why. He had made the password on his phone her first name, and it was the first password I tried when I expected he was cheating.  I typed in the first 4 letters of her name, and the second I heard the clicking noise of his iPhone opening, my heart cracked. My insides felt like they were falling onto the floor, and I just felt like laying there on the ground for days.

Once I worked up the courage to move, my initial reaction was to scream and yell, but when it wore off I didn’t feel any better.  It’s so strange, because I kept saying “I want to go home,” but by home I didn’t mean my actual home,  I meant my parents’ home… which was incredibly strange.  I think at the time, I just didn’t feel like anyone could nurture me, and nobody could make me feel better… and although I felt like my mom may not understand, I just needed someone who loved me.

I placed 3 years of my life into someone that I thought loved me, someone who I considered to be my best friend, someone I considered spending the rest of my life with — and when he did me wrong, I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone again. I felt so lied to, so cheated, so down… and there just wasn’t enough bottles of wine in the world to heal that empty feeling I had… and that is when I realized that nobody could heal my emptiness besides God and time.

This breakup ripped the rug out from under me and turned my whole world upside-down. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea of him replacing me so quickly. I felt worthless. He didn’t love me, he didn’t want me, he threw 3 years of happy memories away… for her. I kept asking myself  “what’s so great about her?” “What does she have that I don’t?” And then one day everything just clicked. It takes a mean, selfish, dirty person to want to steal someone’s boyfriend, and it takes an awful guy to want to cheat on a good girl. So, at the end of the day, they were perfect for each other!  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started pitying them! And let me tell you, the moment you realize you deserve better, the better your days will be from that moment on.

If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t have done this to me. END. OF. STORY. We’ve all read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love doesn’t break your heart. During the pain of this breakup I found my true comfort with God’s everlasting love. My relationship with the Lord grew, and I give all the thanks in the world to my ex, for pushing me to become closer to Christ. Patching up a broken heart takes time, but God sure healed my heart in the most beautiful way. He took me away from the man that was bringing me down, healed my heart, and prepared me to meet the most amazing man in the world, my husband. I could not be more blessed for that!

I’m telling you — breakups are so bad, and moving on might seem impossible, but the storm prepares you for something SO much GREATER. Haha, and don’t worry… one day your ex will realize the grass isn’t so much greener on the other side. The moment your ex sees you happy again, he’ll come crawling back (as they always do). But this time you’ll have the satisfaction of turning him down… and in the end that moment makes it all worth while!

BE STRONG!

– Diamond