There have been so many times in my life where I’ve had to make the “right decision,” not what my heart necessarily wanted at the time, but what was right in the long run. When I was dating I would meet so many “great guys.” They’d seem so “perfect,” but there would be ONE thing missing, that morally I just couldn’t look past.
Aaron was a great guy – he stood out in the crowd, could have been his height, but literally he stood out. He smiled often – engaged the whole room, and women stared at him. I mean how could they not? He had perfect bone structure, his teeth were perfection, and he looked like he walked right out of an Express for men advertisement.
If that couldn’t be enough, he was in law school, was incredibly smart and confident, came from a good family, dressed impeccably; he somehow always found a way to wear a dress shirt and suit, and his shoes… I didn’t know a man could wear “sexy” shoes until I met Aaron.
Aaron and I met when he was in law school and I was attending college. There was some obnoxcious hippy event going on in the University courtyard, and he turned to me and said “look at these lunatics.” When I looked over to see who was speaking to me, I was shocked to see this beautiful man standing there. So, I started talking to him. I’d never met such a confident man before. He was so well versed and so politically sound. He asked me to dinner, so of course I went.
After talking to Aaron, I’m pretty sure I called my whole contact-book of girl friends saying “I met my future husband.” Ha, it didn’t play out that way though. Our first date was great, I was pretty sure he was the most perfect man I’d ever met. But, second date…. I found out he wasn’t a Christian. He told me it was “great and all” and “good for family values,” but it wasn’t for him, nor would it ever be. I remember my mouth dropping. I painted this perfect picture in my head and…. bam, now I’m trying to think of a million ways I could change him.
So, that’s what I did, I tried to change him. I kept hanging out with him 24/7. The more and more I hung out with him, the more crazy I became about him. Not realizing that he was bringing me further and further away from the direction I should be going in life. I thought I was falling in love. Everyone kept complimenting me on my “great catch” and saying how “lucky” I was. He was my trophy….. until it hit me one day… he was not a trophy. We were sitting over coffee, and he made some snarky comment about some Christians sitting behind us, he started blatantly making fun of the conversation they were having, and called them “stupid.”
I remember becoming very silent for awhile and then saying, “are you calling me stupid?” he just laughed, and said “well you couldn’t believe all of that, really?” I just sat there dumbfounded. I made a million excuses for him in my head, but then realized I was crazy. I stood up, and just left the cafe. He called me later, I explained myself, and we stopped talking for good.
It was honestly an extremely tough decision, but what I realized was that I was obsessed with the “idea” of him and the idea of what he could be. I imagined him to be so much greater than what he really was, when all he was, was a shallow man. After ending it, I noticed him go off and date many many many other women… and I started to notice that he really wasn’t that nice of a guy. He didn’t respect women, he never did nice things for me, never opened my door, never went out of his way to meet my friends, and he rarely complimented me. I was so blinded by his appearance, confidence, charm, and the idea of who I thought he was, that I forgot to even look at who he really was. He was selfish, and the more I thought about it – the uglier he became to me and the more sad I felt for him.
Girls can easily live in a dream state, and sometimes us ladies need to take a step back from the situation, and take a look at who we’re really dating. Ask yourself:
1. Do you have the same faith?
2. Do you have the same principles?
3. Is he bringing you up in life?
4. Is he making you a better person?
5. Can you see yourself marrying this person?
6. Would you like to have a son just like him?
7. Are you proud of him?
8. Are you proud of how you act when you’re with him?
9. Can you honestly tell your mom about him without lying about the little things?
10. Do you both want the same things out of life?
11. Does he treat you nicely?
12. Does he give you what you deserve?
13. Does he act like a man?
14. Does he respect you?
15. Is he bringing you closer to God?
Maybe it’s time for you to make some tough decisions.
Just think about it,